Over the last few weeks, I’ve taken to scoping the scene when I go outside. It’s a lovely parting gift from Bad Past Things and, every now and then, I’m grateful for the hyper-vigilance. It can be funny, too, like the time I dated a person who figured he was so famous that he needed to guard against local paparazzi (not a thing). His caution was infectious and I did a lot of head-swiveling to appear as if I cared about people seeing us. Like so many celebrities, my sort-of-suitor sent out flares to make sure everyone saw him. He even alleged I fed these imaginary paps information about his comings and goings. Okay, I’ll admit I did drive by his house often (he was good-looking and probably a pumpkin eater), but this was also an ordinary person who had no problem riding by the window when I was doing aerobics.
The idea of being seen and seeing others was highly entertaining in 1994. It promoted stomach zoomies and long-phone calls with Girlfriend 1*. That uneasy feeling of being watched or needing to “watch out” is less fun now. I don’t like looking over my shoulder, but I do it. I know how to look back and forth, behind me, walk more steps, take alternate routes, leave a subway car, watch everyone around me, and analyze what I see. I know where to stand in a room, which exit I’ll take, how to booby-trap our apartment, what I would use as a weapon, how to dress so that I can easily get away (no stilettos). I carry a fairly full bag of shit-I-might-need, just in case.
But it’s also good to relax. Chances are, you are safe. Last weekend, I sat in front of a window, totally aware that a bullet could take me out in the back of the head. The curtains were open, I didn’t try to position myself more advantageously. I just tempted fate and I am still here. I don’t imagine that I have a clue of real danger from minute to minute. It makes my heart ache for those who are racked with fear. I can live with my uneasiness but it’s not my favorite.
How does this relate to Taylor Swift? Well, not only did I learn about Singapore, which dovetailed nicely with other educational rabbit holes, but I also retaught myself math while calculating flight times for Travis Kelce’s trip to Singapore (which included a stopover in Dubai–Google, where is Dubai?) and then their flight back to LA and if this would jibe with their attending the Oscars, ten hours earlier than Singapore. Also stress-relieving is the fact that her ERAs movie will drop in the Disney+ app at 9pm. The FDA has ruled that this product raises serotonin levels and even includes fiber.
Oh wait. This means I have to get Disney+ again. Goodbye, $13.99/month.
*She knows who she is.
Patience Bloom 
Sadly, I think many women have learned to be hyperaware of their surroundings. I live in a rural area and walk down my country road often. I occasionally find myself distracted by thoughts of how I would deal with some random guy in a car who stopped when there was no one near. (My cleverest most paranoid idea was tapping on my earphones–since I listen to music while I walk–and saying out loud, “Yup, he’s here. Close in.”)
Sigh.