You Probably Don’t Smell Bad

During my week of Typhoid, I’ve fallen prey to ads that have become like earworms, worse than that haunting cars for kids commercial. Blaring like Max Headroom is the near-alarmist ad for a product that preaches a cure for crotch odor, including front and back and pits included–all natural ingredients, too, to combat your natural emissions. The ad is just one person very close to a camera, urging you to try the product because butt sweat.

I miss FDS ads of the 70-90s where a woman walks through a mist and feels good.* Even Summer’s Eve doesn’t go into detail but shows women walking across a verdant field and one of them is feeling no-so fresh. It’s not an emergency, just maybe a twinge of putrid nether fungus. Generally, though, everyone smiles while malodorous droplets are beading through their white pants. There’s no shame–just friendship and confidence.

Where has the romance of smelling bad gone?

My inner tween is horrified by this age’s blunt commercial, though in a way, the directness of it provides more information, which its ancestors didn’t. As a tween, I thought FDS was a body hairspray of sorts and Summer’s Eve, somehow related to menstruation or sex (I didn’t know which and there was no Google and my mom just said, “It’s not necessary.”). Another thing to worry about when you’re already immersed in worry.

After three years inside, we must all be nervous about being in public again. How terrible to go out and stink. Julia Roberts doesn’t worry about this, so we shouldn’t.

*Officially, am old.


2 thoughts on “You Probably Don’t Smell Bad”

  1. I have not seen this, but everyday I get to hear on the radio an ad for men to get a Gillette razor to remove their pubic hair. Do I really need to hear this while I’m driving? Ugh!

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